I was going through some of my old writings, mostly songs that I have written.. as I aimlessly write chords too. I was looking back at an old one, and realize how much I have grown this past year. Last year, for those of you who may know me was one of the hardest years of my life, and I found this song/plea I wrote to God:

"God I swim admist the world, now knowing. I call to you and feel content, content to love and know you more. God grant me the serenity to know your will. God how do I get up off this floor tonight, when I know nothing but sorrow? Here I am ready for your healing touch. I call to you father on my knees, so hear my cries Lord, hear them now."

I think back on what I wrote, and sing a new song a song of hope, and encouragement. God has healed my heart for now. He has blessed me so much this past year, I can hardly mutter the simple word, "thanks." I find myself now writing another paragraph to the one previous:

"God you are my love, and my life. You have encouraged me, challenged me, and fought for me when I couldn't fight for myself. Only your strength could have picked me up off the floor, when I thought know one could. God you are the author of this amazing love story that I long to feel everyday. I am just beginning to know your love fully, with no strings attached. For so long I allowed my relationship to be a strings attached relationship Father, and know I cut those strings and surrender. I am ready God, take me on the journey of a lifetime. God help my anxious heart to know you more, help it to beat with yours so I am understand the incomprehensible. I love you abba Father, always forever."

God has lifted me off the floor, and now I am able to breath, I am able to look at the cup of sorrow, and slowly drink it, because I am just beginning to understand the "why." Often times it remains a mystery forever, but for me the mystery is just starting to be unfolded. Because, without God taking things away from me in my life, taking me out of my comfort zone, and forcing me to grow I would be stuck. So thank you Lord, for allowing me to slowly drink the cup.

Home

I went home last night to go see Cory's game! It was a trip much needed. Through the midst of papers and deadlines I was able to simply cheer out loud, and let go of all inhibitions. Being at the game took me back to high school, and the fun I miss. I wouldn't go back, because I love where I am at, but it was fun remembering where I came from, and the memories that have made me who I am today. Linds nae and log went down with me! Seeing them cheer and support my little brother was a great feeling. I never grew up with sisters, but I had sierra jess and ash in High School who took that place! Heading off to college four years ago, I never thought I would find quality friends like I had/ still have in college. I sit back and reflect on the friendships I have made in these last 22 years, and I can truly say I am the luckiest person in the world, I wish everyone could have the friends I have.

After the game, log and I headed to my parents house to have Christmas with them before Log heads off to Ecuador. We put the Christmas tree up, and hung the ornaments as dad put the angel on the top. Tradition every year is for dad to put the angel on top of the tree. It's funny how tradtions carry on from generation to generation and place to place. I will carry on the tradition into my home as a little reminder of where I came from. This will be the last Christmas with my family. I doesn't feel like the last Christmas, because it hasn't fully sunk in that I will be married in 8 months, and starting my own traditions.

Quality time.. log and I went to Cheesecake factory for dinner, as part of his Christmas gift. This year we decided to give each other quality time gifts, instead of material gifts. As I get older, I am slowly starting to realize that we don't get precious time back. Years are gone before our eyes, and what will we have to show for it. Stuff? I don't want to show people stuff, I want to show them pictures.. I want to tell people stories about the adventures I went on. I want to make lasting memories with every single one of my friends, and leave this earth someday knowing that God and people shaped who I was, not stuff.

Well that is all for now! I will blog about Christmas and the adventures I encounter!

Finals time!

Okay so finals time is now! I have been in school now for 16 years, and for the first time I am officially feeling senioritis! Tests, and papers just feel like routines.. which I never feel.. I love school, and learning.. I have always said if I could be a professional student I would. Now I am feeling a tug to go out into the big scary world and find out what God has for me! I have to go back and get my master's for my field of study, but it is a good thing I am taking a year off! I can take a year off and then appreciate my education when I go back!

Wedding stuff.. I don't know if I have written on here that I am engaged and getting married in August! Yay! We just got our engagment photos back, and we just loved them! They were amazing and beautiful! We were really blessed that a friend of ours did them for us, and just made us feel really comfortable the whole time! I didn't think, but taking engagement photos can be kidna nerve racking! (I added a photo for you all to see!)

Cory.. I am so proud of my little brother! His team won semi-finals in football and are now going to CIF to play at Qualcomm! Every little boy's dream when he puts on those pads freshmen year wondering if they will ever be big enough to fit into the pads is to go to CIF.. and he is going! So proud of him! Congrats buddy!

Work! Well I just love my job.. I substitute teach, and I feel like I am not teaching them, but they are teaching me. I have learned so much this year by each face I teach! These kids are yearning to have someone love them.. all I want to do is give them Jesus! I have been able to have a couple conversations with students that have brought it up, but unless they bring it up I can't talk about Jesus, so pray they keep asking!

That is all for now! I will blog about Christmas, so stay tuned!

First post

Okay so I have never done something like this before.. so here is my first go! I am a senior college student, getting ready to graduate. I have an anxious feeling in my stomach about graduating due to the fact I have no job when I graduate. I am substitute teaching right now which is great, however I feel as though that is not good enough.. I need to get a "big person's job." So, I will be applying at different places once I graduate and see where I end up.

I love sharpened pencils in September, and buying clothes for the upcoming year.. I will miss that once I graduate from college. I feel this is all I have known for 22 years... and now I am entering unknown territory which frankly will be quite frightening for me. So.. my progress on finding a job will continue.. as will this blog on a latter day!